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There's more to life than increasing it's speed

.so says Gandhi.

Finally I'm seated in front of my laptop. Softly playing in the background, sound of Thais- Jules Massenet accompanying as I get ready to.. wait. I need a steamy cup of ocha first. *though I rather have genmaicha =.=*

...

As I ready to spew out raw data, attempt to assemble and compile them neatly. Not neccessarily in order. It's been quite a while since my last post. A lot have happened since then. Lemme see..

- Resigned from Sunway

- Gotten round-housed by dad

- Friend sheltered and fed this poor homeless soul. Bless her soul

- Passion for mother nature and hike began

- Had a major faith crisis

- Totally avoided ACTS Church and all its activities

- Started a journey into the Catholic faith

- Enrolled and now studying in Taylors

- Moved home 3 times this year

It's been quite a year, still not yet ended. Loads of errands and activities kept me from sitting down just to chill and recollect my thoughts. No idea where to start, I'll just take whatever's on the top.

My weight. leik wth! I used to weigh 68kg stable, participate in Taekwondo tournaments, run every damn morning and still survive daily training with 2-3hours of sleep! I used to wear size 28! I used to being chased after not vice versa! In short I used to kick ass!

Now?

I barely could stand the shame -.-' All this is going to change drewboy. Everyday:- 30mins martial, 30mins cardio or go hungry noob.

Next, studies. So far so good, but I still suck at maths. I hate numbers, I loath them. I seriously detest them. But I need to love them. I still hate them tho. Life's great in college. Met couple of interesting people. Weird, but interesting. Couple of weeks back I planned a bday surprise

for this dood from India. Apparently he was so shocked to see his gf , *among others* coming out of my room, he didn't see the plate of whipped cream until it made contact with his face. I love the sound of splattering cream, his spluttering gasps, and the view of oozing white liquid dripping down his face,

down his nose and ears.. Sexy =)

Now comes the issue faith. Beginning early last year, I was seriously questioning my faith, my church and my beliefs. ( refer to this post ) I was not at peace with my church at all, the people seems so material and fake. I didn't felt there's any reverence for God at all. For one example they loveeeee to emphasis on the number of people attending church. They just had to announce it very time before service, and people is expected to cheer. I mean, what's the point of getting the numbers if the church existing numbers isn't growing closer to God.

Simply put:- Bigger the congregation = Heavier donation bag

Seriously, they need to attend a Catholic Church and see how it's done.

It was somewhere late last year I met A, I was undergoing the peak of my faith crisis. I was on the very verge of giving up my beliefs that God existed. It's so simple to fall back on things that is logically, scientifically explained. That we are existed because of some huge explosion that began Time, Space and after a myriad of lifeform evolutions.. began Mankind. It's easy to believe, logically and theoretically proven, albeit not scientifically.

But I still pursued on questioning God's existence, I want to believe. A desperate hope. If I Knew for sure He doesn't exist, I rather not live. Without Him, even if it's just a false belief, I felt life is just empty and plain. And so I left the place where I knew God of my heart couldn't be found, and started on a long journey. I found of that A was a Catholic, and I began compiling questions

that I can't find before. One by one, these questions was shot down and things seems clearer that God existed. Even if she can't answer some, she unknowingly gave me hints on where to search and I found answers. Assisted by Scott Hans's book Rome Sweet Home, I began to realize what Christianity really meant. Everything began to make sense. Being a follower of Christ doesn't mean that life is going to all good, it doesn't mean that the Holy Spirit is a tool for us to conjure super powers, it doesn't mean that praying to Mother Mary, saints and departed is idolatry, it doesn't mean that Eucharist aka communion is just a symbol of remembrance of Lord's supper, it doesn't mean that every Sunday is just a feel good time without revering God.

Hence I started attending mass at St. Thomas More, occasionally at St. Francis Xavier's and the RCIA.

But it wasn't an easy journey. I started attending mass sometime beginning this year, around the time I was planning to resign from Sunway University to finish my studies at Taylors. With a bed provided by my dad then, I thought I could still survive my student days doing some part-time work dealing with IT issues. Couple of weeks after I stopped work, my dad told me quote I can't shelter you anymore unquote. I can't say I was surprised. My relationship with the family over there was pretty fragile. My other half-siblings is given priority over and my grandmother is always bad-mouthing about my past. ( story for another day ) My uncle of my dad's side (whom until today I consider the world's biggest asshole) and I, is obviously not in good terms with.

Thank God for Shen who knew about my plight and offered her place to stay. I promised her a trip to Everest. one day.

After being kicked out of house wasn't enough. The car I was driving was later taken, all my belonging packed and thrown out, my ex-room renovated for my half-brother. It was crystal that my dad wanted me out. Period. During this interval time when I was driving aimlessly with most of my life belongings, a series of misfortune kept hitting me. From financial issues, to small things like punctured tires and lost items. To save money I went on days without food. Eating only when absolutely necessary. It was a really trying time, frustrated and desperate I began to consider my options.

Should kill my goal of studying. Should I just accept the offer from CIMB. Should I just rush in the bloody house and slaughter everyone on sight. Yes, really I did consider that.

That time, I also considered thatall this happened Because I turned to the Catholic faith. The divine retribution for leaving my church. I was like "Aiya, I prayed to Mother Mary. Now God angry liao. Si liao ar..."

But in the end, I continued to persevere and took the hit. I won't give in to situation and circumstances. I prayed for God to provide for me, and His will be done no matter what. Now that I think of it, I'm pretty stubborn. =.=' what if God really don't want me to study?

But it all turned out good and well, God provided in ways I didn't foresee. Financial support came in from an uncle. He totally supported my desire to complete my degree. My mum whom relation with was pretty bad previously, provided with finance to support my living. Apparently I do have family.

Speaking of family, it was clear that family in Christ does really mean F.a.m.i.l.y. There's so many genuinely helpful and friendly faces. People who discussed philosophical issues with, people to cry on, people to shoot at ( CS ftw! ), people to jam and learn guitar from, and generally people to yamcha, crap, and go crazy with. If any of you are reading this right now I want to tell you how blessed I am meeting each of you..words can't express how much I cherish the bond and times together. Thank you

I found my peace. I'm continuing studies. Have a roof over my head. Starting a small business repairing PC. Attending mass at STM. Found that love is indeed mysterious. It's like the big bang theory how mankind came to be, minus the evolution part. It's just there

gotten lazy - . - need to sleep, morning class. Pax Christi

Lol. Me. Weakness in tech

I just received a mail noticification from Facebook that goes something like this:-

STRENGTHS:
best father (potential)
craziest
most talented

WEAKNESSES:
most tech-savvy
best public speaker

Well it's nothing of a big deal but what really tickles me that "most tech-savvy" is my top weakness. This proves that Facebook sucks to kingdom come or my friends just don't know me =(

Is your church good enough for you?

Let's just face it. Not every church is meant for everyone. You can be worshiping the same God, but you just can't get along with your other "siblings in Christ". No, I'm not complaining about my church. My church is a great place led by passionate and great leaders and filled with equally God-zealous people. They're all talented people with big dreams, and ambition. A friendly face is always around a corner somewhere in its 600 odd congregation. What else do I need more in a Church? Is it not good enough?

It sounds perfectly good all typed written down doesn't it? Yeah, but well the book leaves a bigger impression in content than the cover.

You know, I used to feel a twinge of sadness whenever I hear someone leaving their church. Whether if it's to join another church or abandon God's house for good, the sneaky lil' emo feeling is hiding right in the corner.

Lately however I realized I'm not growing at all. I feel stagnant, I feel unused. Like an over aged basketball player whose coach still kept him in bench out of pity's sake. In addition, I began question the what-ifs.

What if.. I don't want to pray this way? What if.. I don't want to jump around like a bunch of kids on hyper? What if.. I don't want , I just don't want , and I really adamantly don't want to be slain each and every time I stepped up to the altar, so please stop trying to push me down thank you?
Does that make me love God any lesser than the person next to me? Does that make a lesser disciple or a servant? Does that mean the want to serve Him is lesser than anyone else?

I could definitely understand how those people feel now.

I believe a church is a place for us to grow together, not separately. Where we all learn to put our talents to God's work, not to be chosen among the best. Where we can be who we are and what God made us into, not yet another place to plaster a fake character to be accepted among "God's people". This can't be God bringing me out of comfort zone and into wilderness

I guess that's a lots of questions to mull over for now.